Self-care for caregivers

Family caregiving comes with a lot of feelings. Feelings of guilt and stress among family caregivers are so common that there have been numerous studies on it, including one 2010 study that identified five categories of caregiver guilt. Many caregivers said they felt guilty for letting their own self-care practices dissolve completely in the face of caring for someone else. 

When caregiving responsibilities fall on one person it can generate chronic stress and exhaustion, which puts caregivers at risk for mental health challenges including depression and anxiety. Many also experience high levels of sleep deprivation — and that’s bad for more than just mental health. The good news is that conditions like depression and anxiety are treatable — and seeking treatment or help from a professional, rather than letting these issues go unchecked, can help prevent health issues down the line. Studies show that therapy can indeed be an effective tool for learning strategies to prevent caregiver burnout and reduce feelings of guilt.

Studies show that organized group caregiving can lead to as much as an 83 percent decrease in experience of burden. The trick is putting together the group. Here are some expert-backed strategies to help you feel more supported during caregiving, including checking in on your emotional and mental health and building a supportive team that can help you care for a loved one.

1. ADMIT YOU CAN’T DO IT ALL ON YOUR OWN. As you start to think about rounding up some outside help to start peeling off some of your many duties as a family caregiver, make a list of what needs are the most pressing and then decide which responsibilities you want help with. 

“You’re never going to feel like you’re doing the right thing. You’re always going to be haunted by guilt,” clinical psychologist and educator Dasha Kiper told Being Patient. “Because this disease is going to make you feel that no matter what you choose to do, it’s never quite right or good enough. And that’s because of the disease. It’s not because of anything that you’re doing.”

2. TAKE STOCK OF YOUR DAY-TO-DAY. Think about the tasks that are most challenging for you, whether it is because they are time consuming or because they require a certain skill set you may not have, like sorting through finances and legal documents. Also think about the tasks that might be easiest to outsource to other family members, close friends, or healthcare professionals, like spending a half hour per week on a Zoom call with the person you’re caring for, or coming by for a visit with that person, to give you a little extra time.

3. MAKE YOUR WISH LIST. From here, compile a list of all the current resources available to you, all the people whom you might be able to tag in. Consider speaking to a social worker or case manager through an organization like Alzheimer Society to see if there are resources available you might not have known about. Some volunteer organizations exist to offer help with things as simple — but impactful — as driving your person to appointments.

4. ITERATE. Building a solid caregiving team isn’t a one-and-done task: It’s a puzzle with moveable pieces, and over time, it may need to be tweaked or reworked. Take stock of what things are working and what things aren’t working. Consider whether everyone’s skills are being appropriately put to use on your team. The right team can make your life, and your loved one’s life, that much better.

5. LEAN INTO TIME FOR YOURSELF. While taking a break to practice self-care might seem counterintuitive for some, experts say it is actually one of the best things you can do for yourself and your loved one. Assembling a supportive caregiving team will help ensure you have more time for yourself.

“Loved ones neither want nor expect selfless servants,” Dr. Vicki Rackner, a patient-physician relationship advocate, wrote for caregiver.com. “As a caregiver, when you care for yourself, you increase and improve your own caring.”

Think of your identity outside of caregiving — including your favorite hobbies and even new activities you might want to explore further. Spending time in nature, going for a walk or a hike, gardening, tapping into creative pursuits like drawing or painting, or learning a new instrument are all ways to continue to develop your own sense of self outside of caregiving and practice self-care.