Scott & Karen McLean

Just a little while before, Scott had been a vibrant, active, man. He was a high school principal. A long distance runner. An avid golf player.

At first, I’d noticed little things. He became less communicative. He had started to withdraw from social events. And he seemed to lose his confidence a bit at work.

We went to see our family doctor. He referred Scott to a neurologist, and the diagnosis was instant …Lewy body dementia – one of the more common types of dementia.

It affects your memory and your thinking, but also your sleep and movements. Physically, it can seem a lot like Parkinson’s.

Scott was only 52. But the disease took hold rapidly, and our life changed overnight.

You may know a lot about Alzheimer’s and dementia already. Maybe you, too, know someone who has experienced it. But there are two things that I want to be sure you know …

First, if you or someone you love needs support, the Alzheimer Society of Alberta and Northwest Territories will be with you – every step of the way. I can’t begin to describe how much they helped us navigate Scott’s journey with dementia … day in and day out.

The second thing I want you to know is what an impact you have when you make a donation. Your gifts directly help families like ours. 

At this time of year, I’m especially concerned about individuals and families navigating dementia, because I know firsthand how isolating it can be.

The holiday season is a wonderful, happy time for many people. But it’s a lonely time for many others.

Our family’s holidays changed a lot over the years as the disease progressed for Scott. When our kids were little, we lived in Kelowna. I have so many memories of Christmas Eves spent having a big fondue dinner, and skiing on Christmas Day while the turkey cooked.

Scott loved Christmas so much. But as the years went on, he couldn’t remember why the day was significant. We brought him home for the first year or so that he was in care, but it became harder and more confusing and stressful for him. So now we celebrate with him in the care home. This was hard to adjust to.

I was lucky to have the friends I made through the Alzheimer Society’s support group. Even now, whenever things get hard, I know there are others who are there for me.

They are just a phone call away.

Now my very first grandson has arrived! And this will be his second Christmas. So I’m overjoyed to have a child around the house again for the holidays.

My thoughts, especially at this time of the year, are with those people living with dementia, their family members, friends, and those who provide care for them. I know all too well that dementia can be heartbreaking. And it can also be incredibly lonely.

Scott is totally non-communicative now. Some people have withdrawn. They care – and they ask about him – but I can understand that they are uncomfortable. They don’t know how to talk to him.

Our lives have changed so much. Especially when I we realized I couldn’t care for Scott anymore at our house. It was very difficult for me to move him into care – even though when he was first diagnosed he made me promise that I’d do it when the time came.

During this time the team at the Alzheimer Society was right there with me, just like they’ve always been.

From the very beginning – right after Scott’s diagnosis – they’ve been with us. Right away they invited us both to attend support groups. Scott went to one meeting with other people that had been diagnosed, and I went to the care partner meeting. It was brilliant.

I mean, we were 52 years old, and we were meeting with other people that were within our age group and facing the same things. Scott’s group was made up of other professionals who were going through this. They could talk about their fears, and the loss of identity, and what was coming.

The groups truly became our lifelines. I still go to mine. Now I’m in the late-stage dementia support meetings. We have developed such a strong bond. We laugh together and we cry together, too.

While he was still able to attend, the group meetings were incredibly helpful for Scott. He was able to share what was happening to him with others who were in the same place. He could talk about not being able to drive anymore, or what was going on in our marriage … He could talk with other people who understood.

The folks at the Alzheimer Society also gave me advice on how to handle travel … like having business cards printed for airline and hotel staff and servers in restaurants, saying “My husband has dementia.” People were so kind once they knew.

The team at the Alzheimer Society taught me how to navigate tricky moments, like when it was time for Scott to relinquish his driver’s license, and how to get him used to the idea of home care.

That’s why I tell as many people as I can about the Alzheimer Society. I can’t imagine the last few years without them.

One thing I’ve learned – we all have a story about Alzheimer’s. Uncles, aunts, friends, neighbours. Perhaps our kids’ coach, or teacher.

Your donations, provide an incredible support system for people when they really need it.

Both the person with dementia – and the people who care for them.

You have my overwhelming gratitude for supporting people you don’t even know.

Like us. It takes a very special person to do that.

I’m also grateful for the chance to tell you today about my husband – the “real” Scott McLean. The boy I met in elementary school, started dating at the end of high school and married a few years later.

The hockey player, the hiker … the incredible principal and dad. The man who was the foundation of our happy life.

So much has changed for Scott and for us.

But we still have each other. I still feel the support and love of the Alzheimer community – a community the Alzheimer Society has created.

A community that you as a donor helped to create.

Thank you for your past generosity and compassion. And thank you for considering a donation today. I can promise you it will go straight to work providing support for families like mine.

No one should have to face dementia alone. By sending a gift today – or by joining our monthly giving group – you will help ensure that support is always there, day after day. From my family to you, thank you.