A Caregiver's Journey

With your support, ASDR provides tools, education and support to caregivers as they navigate Alzheimer's disease and other dementias.

One of our many clients is Bill, the primary care partner for his wife Lynne who was diagnosed with dementia over a decade ago. Bill and Lynne have been together for 46 years. Speaking with Bill about Lynne he describes a woman who can appreciate the beauty of a 1975 Firebird, who never cooks and was once caught trying to pass off Swiss Chalet as a dinner she made herself. A woman who laughs easily, loves Elvis, and spent her working years as the assistant to the official photographer for the Canadian Figure Skating Association.

Lynne is a mother, a wife, a sister, and a friend to many.

Over the years, Bill and Lynne filled their marriage with things they both enjoyed; theater, travel, summers at the lake, evenings socializing and dancing with friends, and time spent with their son. However, all that changed when Lynne was diagnosed with dementia.

Bill and Lynne were on a trip to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary when Bill started noticing something wasn’t quite right. They had stopped in New York to see a show and then traveled by boat to England. It was there Bill noticed that Lynne was acting confused but he attributed it to jetlag. When they returned home, Bill asked their son if he had noticed anything and a month or so later, they both agreed something was going on.

It was another two years until Lynne was diagnosed with dementia.

Bill admits he was in denial and was unsure how to move forward after Lynne’s diagnosis. It was a doctor who changed Bill’s outlook. He told Bill “This is not going to get better. It’s just going to get worse from here. So, you better start thinking about where you’re going. And stop trying to go backward to try and fix it.” That was the turning point for Bill and he began to focus on how best to help Lynne.

 As the disease progressed, Lynne experienced memory lapses, repeated questions, loss of time and place and began to wander which prompted Bill to put alarms on the doors. One day Bill didn’t hear the door and Lynne wandered out of the house. Thankfully with help from the police Lynne was found 15 minutes later unharmed. When Bill asked Lynne why she had left, she told Bill that she wanted to give a lamp to her mother, who had passed away 15 years prior.

In 2021, Bill reached out to the Alzheimer Society of Durham Region where he found support to help him as a caregiver. Bill has participated in ASDR’s counselling services, Living with Loss program and is a faithful member of the Men’s Breakfast Group, a peer-led support group for male care partners.

 As a caregiver, having the support of others who are living similar experiences has been beneficial to Bill. In the men’s group they share ideas, discuss stressful situations and are there for one another. Learning what worked for others has helped Bill to navigate the long-term care system and understand when he needs to advocate for Lynne to ensure she’s getting the best care.

Today, Lynne has found a home at a long-term care facility in Ajax and is receiving the care she needs. But it wasn’t an easy road to get there. Lynne was in two other facilities before settling into her current home. Bill says placing Lynne in care was one of the biggest challenges he has faced as a caregiver and was “without a doubt, the most stressful and emotional”. Bill wishes that he had had conversations with Lynne about her care before it was too late.

Currently, Bill continues to be part of the Men’s Breakfast Group and is a member of our Client Advisory Committee. He’s also a Board member of the Seniors Care Network as he would like to improve the process of finding care and wants to help advocate for others on a dementia journey. Bill is also one of the top fundraisers for our annual Walk for Alzheimer’s. Knowing that others can benefit from the knowledge that Bill has gained throughout his journey, it’s important to him to stay involved.

We asked Bill what he would like people to know about dementia and the journey he has been on, he said:

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