Asking for Help Changes Everything

If there’s one thing you take away from this story it should be this:

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Lee and Sharon Cox admit it took them several years before they asked for the help they needed. Even with Sharon’s dementia that help has allowed them to “live a fairly full life.”

They generously agreed to share their story. While telling it they laughed, cried and they revealed how powerful help can be.

They first met as teenagers when Sharon’s family picked up and moved “out of the city” from Vancouver to Swan River, Manitoba (current population 4,000) where Lee’s family ran the General Store. Located 5 hours Northwest of Winnipeg things were a bit different than Sharon was used to, but she made friends with the nice family up the street.

Lee helped Sharon learn to skate. As she put it, “the skating was good because this nice guy came along and oh his arm could keep you up.” A few years later Sharon made her move launching a snowball right into Lee’s back. That led to dates, marriage, kids, grandkids and this February the new coming attraction– great grandchildren.

Lee’s work as an engineer brought them out of Manitoba into Northern Ontario and eventually to Kincardine where they still reside. Lee had been offered a job with Hydro but wanted to investigate this new community before signing on. Like so many other Grey-Bruce converts they were immediately taken in:

While visiting Kincardine for the first time Sharon noticed an event in the paper - “Music in the Park.” They were warmed by the beach, the sunset, the smooth 50s music, and the lack of bugs. Sharon told Lee, “I don’t care what the job is we’re moving here!”

They claim it wasn’t always easy raising 5 children of their own, along with several foster children, but they did it as a team. You can tell their love is as strong as ever.

Between raising all those kids, Sharon, a trained teacher, worked with special needs children, taught English as a Second Language, and was active in her community. She loved to read and correspond with friends. Even now, years into her disease, Sharon can still hold a good conversation. That’s partially why it took them so long to realize Sharon was having difficulty.

Lee had seen some of this before in his own mother. It wasn’t just forgetfulness but personality change that caused them to first suspect something might be wrong. Sure enough Sharon had developed Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) that later became dementia.           

 

                                                                            

They were struggling to cope. Everything Lee did upset Sharon. Life was difficult. Lee finally realized they needed help and picked up the phone. He had a two hour conversation with an Alzheimer Society Counsellor that opened his eyes to Sharon’s experiences. He still keeps a document “8 Things You Shouldn’t Do” to remind him that he was doing all of them.

After Lee shared this story, Sharon leaned into her husband lovingly and said “It was done out of love. I think I got a real gem when I met this guy.” They worked as a team to manage this disease but they both credit the Alzheimer Society of Grey-Bruce for helping them. Sharon made it a point to express several times:

"I just want to say how thankful I feel that we are so blessed to be here, where this has happened, because of what’s available to help us. It’s a godsend."

After that initial phone call they joined “Learning the Ropes” an education program that teaches people how to cope with their memory loss. At the end of the program Sharon revealed to Lee that she “thought her life wasn’t worth living because of the memory loss, but taking that program helped her to realize she could cope.” As Lee put it “that got us over the hump.”

Lee attends support groups and checks in with his Counsellor. Sharon has a full schedule: Active Living, Sing-A-Long, Coffee Connect, and Mindful Meet Ups. She stated enthusiastically, “the programs are fantastic things but *phew* some weeks are pretty tiring, and I have to nap after because you get so much from it.”

She is proud of the barn quilt she made, and the plant that she grew, and the dinner she made with Lee. They’ve received so many packages of activities that Sharon thinks the people in her building must feel “she’s pretty special getting all these bags and boxes.” Of the staff she says “you just have to meet those wonderful people, they’re so amazing, and so good. The enthusiasm there you just can’t help but be caught up in it.”

Lee openly wonders where they would be now without the help they’ve received. He wants everyone living in Grey-Bruce who is dealing with this disease to pick up the phone and talk to the Alzheimer Society. However, that just won’t be possible without amazing people like you. So I’m taking Lee and Sharon’s advice and asking you for help.

100% of what you donate will go towards helping local people like Lee and Sharon. By filling out the attached form or going online to make a donation you can help. You will be providing not only the information, education and support that care partners need but also the social connection, engagement, and passion to sustain local people living with dementia.

By donating you can provide connection, pride, hope, information and so much more. Together let’s get more families over the hump so that they can “live a fairly full life.”