Tom's Story: Care Partner and Volunteer
National Volunteer Week Spotlight
When my dad was still alive, we started to notice subtle changes in mom's behavior, although at that time we didn't have the awareness to recognize these changes as potential signs of early Alzheimer's. When he passed away in 2012, however, I had a gut feeling that mom was too vulnerable to be left to live on her own in the home that she shared with her husband for more than 50 years, and made the decision to move in.
During those early days, I was focused on considering extended care facilities for mom. That seemed to be the expected next step for her, in keeping with common societal expectations for the elderly– they reach a certain age, their circumstances change, so therefore transitioning to a facility is the natural next step. But as my own awareness grew, and thanks to mom’s own qualities and strengths, which she continues to tap into every day as she lives with the middle stages of Alzheimer’s, I started to realize the incredible value and countless benefits of her aging in place in her own home for as long as possible.
In addition to our own efforts to keep our day-to-day life an active and varied one, we’re incredibly grateful for the many supports that we’ve been provided. These include advice and help from AHS Homecare; daily morning visits from wonderful homecare attendants; the incredible day program she attends three days a week; and support and understanding from my daughters, siblings and extended family. All of these ingredients together contribute to a near-perfect recipe for mom’s success.
Yet, more recently that I’ve had a change in perspective on mom’s journey. Yes, she is living with Alzheimer’s, which has caused many irreversible changes in her, which have been made abundantly clear to me and the rest of the family. But I’ve now realized that her experience is not only about loss—far from it.
It has also been about how many parts of her personality, energy, and talents remain solid as a rock, and continue to shine through. Mom can still chip in to help with housework. She can still carry a tune, completely in key, with her beautiful singing voice. She still brings her dry sense of humour and wit to conversations. She still gets amused and energized by the toddlers and kids who scoot alongside her during mall walks. But probably most striking of all is that she is still someone I can confide in, and who can lend me a listening ear and give me some encouraging words when I’m having a bad day.
The Alzheimer’s Society has also played a big part in providing support, resources and advice to mom and me over the years, and in the spirit of giving back, I am looking forward to supporting the Society as a volunteer. As part of my onboarding I was given the opportunity to become familiar with the Society’s Person-Centered Language Guidelines. I’ve recently retired after working for many years after working in the communications field and have a keen interest in how careful we need to be in our choice of language and tone when communicating. The Guidelines provide much food for thought on this. They provide examples of many ways to choose language that shifts the focus away from the disease and toward the person who is living with it, which is a very empowering way to reframe things.
In light of my mom’s experience, and of my own appreciation of her remaining abilities and spirit, this is an important change in perspective. It reaffirms the fact that, while persons with Alzheimer’s, caregivers and families face great challenges, the talents, strengths and resilience we may still see in persons living with the disease shouldn’t be discounted or taken for granted.
Are you interested in having an impact on those living with dementia by becoming a volunteer? We are seeking volunteers who can help us with our Dementia Supportive Communities program. Click here for more information!