Game-Changing Support During a Challenging Time

Although Dave Spencer and his wife Mildred lived in nearby villages in Newfoundland they didn’t actually meet until they both moved to Nova Scotia in the late 1960s. They went on to marry and have two daughters and have lived in Dartmouth for their whole married life.

As someone who became profoundly deaf in childhood, Dave dealt with a lot of discrimination in his working life and was often ill-treated in the workplace. In 1999, he received a cochlear implant and went from 2% hearing to 88%.

“It completely changed my life. I was suddenly able to hear the voices of my family, the sound of the ocean, and the music of crickets, all things I’d never heard before.” Dave was also finally able to secure fulfilling work and ended his career in a job he loved.

Since his retirement 12 years ago, Dave has been an avid volunteer in various nursing homes, his church, and the Canadian Hard of Hearing Association. He also gives his time in the dementia ward of Oakwood Terrace in Dartmouth, drawn there because his mother had experienced dementia. Ironically during Covid, Dave’s wife Mildred, who he fondly calls “Mil,” also began to experience symptoms of dementia and was diagnosed soon after

“In the beginning, Mil was in denial about what was happening to her,” says Dave. “That went on for quite some time and it was very hard.” The other thing that was difficult was that at some point Mil stopped cooking. “I’m ashamed to say this but I had never cooked a meal in my life so I had to learn,” he laughs. “The only problem is that my wife was an amazing cook, and I certainly am not!”

In the early years, when he was really struggling with the changes in Mil and their life, Dave made a habit of going for a five mile walk every day. “It helped to clear my mind and to relax.” Dave adds that it was also a time when he could make a private phone call to his sister or a friend and receive some support.

The other thing that was a true lifesaver was finding the Alzheimer Society. For the last six years, Dave has been a regular member of the Halifax-based Caregiver Support Group that meets once per month from September to May. “It’s so helpful to be able to come here once a month and talk with the other people who are going through much of the same thing and support each other,” he says. “The other members of the group seem like a family to me now and I know if things get harder, I always have people to reach out to.” 

One of the biggest struggles to date has been the grief of losing part of the person that Mildred was to him. “We were very close as a couple and there are things we used to do, and that she did for me, that I miss very much.”

Dave is passionate about educating the public about what it’s like to live with someone with dementia and to that end also serves on the Alzheimer Society Lived Experience Committee. “I want to raise awareness of what people who are living with dementia, and their caregivers, go through,” he says. “I want to help change the perception that exists in the general public and make it less of a stigma, like my hearing loss was.”

Having a place to feel like he’s making a real contribution, as well as a place to share his feelings, has been a real game-changer for Dave. “I think I’m the Alzheimer Society’s biggest fan,” he chuckles. “And for good reason - this organization has made a huge difference in what continues to be a challenging time in my life.”