Celebrating Jack

Jack and I had just celebrated our 67th anniversary. My dear life partner did not recognize our special day and barely stayed awake for my kiss and hugs. But we were still Jack and Arlene.  Three weeks later, I was a widow.    

Ours was not a “love at first sight” romance but rather a “love at first phone call” that occurred a week or so after we first met and I was in love forever. Sadly, the last fifteen years of our marriage were spent dealing with his dementia. He was in a long-term care home full-care facility for the last two plus years. 

So many regrets came with the ensuing sadness after he passed away. I wished I had said this, I wished I had done that, I wished a miracle had restored him to the remarkably smart and loving husband, father and grandfather he once was. But wishing doesn’t make it so! 

 A month or two after his passing, our two sons and I began planning a celebration of life for Jack. We initially decided to control the number of guests by issuing invitations, but so many people asked if they could bring others who wanted to be included, and we said yes to everyone. Several of them were the now adult offspring of friends and neighbors who grew up knowing and respecting Jack.   

Our sons each gave the most wonderful eulogies about their dad. Very insightful, emotional yet so humorous and all our guests were sharing in and enjoying the laughter. I gave a lighthearted account of our first days together and it hit the right chord with everyone. One of our granddaughters related a special “grandpa” memory and a dear friend shared some delightful recollections of the many fun vacations she and her husband shared with Jack and I. 

This story is officially family lore. Jack was a “neat nick,” a trait handed down from his sweet Mom. Every day when he came home from work, he would straighten pictures (that none of us thought were crooked in the first place) made sure every fold in our curtains was draped at the same distance as the previous pleat, and then he would happily greet us. One of our sons mentioned his theory that Heaven probably looks neater than ever since his dad arrived.  

Both sons referred to their dad’s lifelong love of soccer, as a topnotch player, coach and ultimately an avid TV fan. They also remembered his unexpected and totally uncontrollable laughter when watching the Montyh Python shows. So infectious! 

We had so much to celebrate as we reflected on dear Jack’s life. I hope all of you who are still in the caregiver mode will one day experience this stress-relieving experience for yourselves when you finally have time to take a breath and realize there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Good food, his favorite songs playing in the background, wonderful friends and family, happy memories and much laughter all made this a special party Jack would have loved to have been at. And he was!! 

About the author 

Arlene Macfarlane was born in Vancouver to musically talented parents. She spent much of her early years with her older sister, whom she calls her very best friend. Together they cocreated greeting cards and children’s stories and although their stories were never published, they shared many hours of fun, love and laughter creating together.  

Arlene provided loving care to her sister as she dealt with serious health issues. Alongside her husband Jack, she raised two sons and a daughter. She worked at the Vancouver Public Library and continued writing, with a specialty in humor. She dedicated the last 15 years to supporting Jack through his dementia journey and transition to long-term care. After nearly 67 years of marriage, Jack passed away in 2025.  

Arlene never stopped writing and credits the practice for helping her through her most difficult years.