Regret and guilt
After Sally Hoag was diagnosed with dementia, her husband Brent opened up about his personal experience, acknowledging that feelings of guilt and regret are almost inevitable. He emphasizes that learning to cope with these emotions is one of the most critical of the dementia journey.
Speaking from personal experience and based upon fairly well known knowledge and facts, we have to first and foremost simply accept that our experiencing feelings of "guilt and regret" are almost a "given."
Learning how to best deal with them is critical.
In my case, sometimes it was relatively easy to do whereas at other times it was impossibly difficult and challenging to do. I had to try to do at least something!
Once I adopted a resentful and determined attitude that "this disease had robbed my wife and I of way too much already and I'll be damned if I will allow it to take any more." I had more success in being effective, successfully coping and in moving forward.
I also owed it to my wife to be the most complete caregiver and advocate that I could possibly be as opposed to only being a "partial person" in this regard. Not only did this motivate me to become more vigilant and committed to trying to minimize the amount of damage that "regret and guilt" were doing to me. Easier "said than done," however it better equipped and motivated me towards better loving and caring for Sally to the best of my ability.
This is not a lecture, far from it! I'm simply sharing my own mental attitude and state of mind which made me more resilient and better equipped to cope.
The challenges of "guilt and regret" can "eat you up and spit you out" unless you are careful and consciously attempt to do something about them in order to better function. Evict the unwanted and destructive "bad, ugly and destructive negatives as best as you can." You will then hopefully better cope, persevere and again, be more capable of loving and effectively caring for someone who needs us and deserves the best that each of us can offer.
If you don't already have some sort of plan and mindset for dealing with the daunting issues of "guilt and regret," then hopefully my sharing my own personal experience and approach might be of assistance and positive consequence.
- Brent Hoag